Every morning i wake up, my first thoughts ooze nothing but insecurities … every time i take a step outside of the one thing that protects me from the world, i feel ugly … everyday i feel so worthless hoping that that given moment where i take my last breath would happen any second now … the one and only thing that i look forward to … taking me to the point where i have tried … tried to make it all stop … these thoughts … thoughts that do nothing but bring me down … and what better way to stop it by taking a life … a life i am told is meaningless ! I am not sure why this is … and no I am not writing this to try and get sympathy from you all … the whole purpose of this is that for someone like myself who to everyone may seem like the most secure person who is confident about who he is … well that is in fact a lie … the way i have always portrayed myself is a lie … lets just say, i’ve been playing a role for so many years … just like so many others out there who have nothing but this facade that they have kept up for so long just to avoid that one thing … and that is from being hurt … mastering thee art of acting … although this facade has one purpose … to protect … it really sucks at following through with that one simple task … because it hurts … it hurts everyday just keeping the facade afloat … i grow weaker and weaker every second … its a struggle … a struggle that nobody else will ever endure alongside myself … alone is what it has and will always be and feel like … its a dark road … that has a habit of making me so afraid … afraid of me … one thing i do know … i am my worst enemy … hate is a strong word … a word that best describes how i feel about myself !
So to those out there who have read this and feel the exact same way as i do … just know that i am here and that i see you … everything i said comes from a true place … and as i am writing this to you all … i am holding up that facade … all i want to say is i will not in any way, shape or form fuel this hate we both have towards ourselves … i will do my best to make it all stop and remind you how beautiful you are because i know how it feels to be at that place … hell i’m still there, and it still hurts … and me knowing how it feels to be at that dark place, is the only reason why i want to be there for you … i not only hate myself, but i hate the thought of knowing that there are others out there who suffer the exact same things as i do … it sucks, it truly does … whether you need someone to talk to … i am here … whether you need someone to beat the crap out of you until you realise you are precious … i am here … i am here, I Am Here, I AM HERE ! And dont you forget that .
"You are what you believe"
So snap out of it … you were given the gift of life for a reason … a reason you will not find out until you overcome it all … as my favourite artist says “You were born this way” so “Embrace your insecurities, because that is what makes you beautiful” . Lady Gaga
"You are worthy of happiness, love and peace. Believe it"